One day I was discussing my ex with my boyfriend and he said what many do “why do they keep giving him chances.” It’s the same sentiment that a lot of people have about abusive relationships whether verbal or physical why do they stay? Just leave.
Disclaimer: My ex doesn’t beat my kids but he is verbally abusive.
Abusive relationships don’t work like that. There is a never ending cycle that the abuser has mastered to keep his victim under his/her control.
Just to be clear abuse can come in many ways. A woman or man can commit be the abuser or victim. Spouses can abuse the other, parents can abuse their children and yes children can abuse their parents, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.
For many this is a slow process so the victim doesn’t realize what is happening. By the time they do it’s too late they are invested in the relationship and stuck in the cycle.
For those that are physically abused they are literally scared for their lives. Their abuser has them convinced they will beat them worse than they ever have or kill them if the victim leaves. So the victim stats hoping not to anger them to avoid a beating. Sure their is love in the relationship but it’s toxic.
With mental abuse it sounds easy to escape right. Nope. The abuser in this case finds a victim that easy to manipulate and/or control. As the relationship wears on the abuser convinces the victim that the abuser is the only one who wants them. The victim is convinced they will have nothing and no one should they leave. Many are convinced they are stupid so they are dependent on the abuser for paying bills and maintaining a household sometimes even work. Their whole world depends on their abuser. Leaving really does become a scary thought then.
The other problem victims always have is they buy into the abusers bull shit. It’s the same old routine “I’ll change, I’ll do better” they’ll behave for a few days, weeks or months, then the abuse starts again.
For those stuck in an abusive relationship it’s never an easy thing to leave. If you know someone who is don’t be negative. Be supportive and offer assistance, give them a way out. Offer to help them find services specializing in their problems. Just know they won’t leave until they are ready. You can’t make them or force them. If you are currently in an abusive relationship: I got out you can too.
You can find help at the Abuse Hotline online or call 1-800-799-7233.
R. Tran Books 